Monday, August 4, 2008
Five things I don’t want to see in sex scenes
1. The word “treacherous”.
I’m fine with what are called “forced seductions”, but I don’t want to read something like, Her treacherous body responded to him. That word always makes me think of beheadings in the Tower of London.
2. The giant member.
This feature took pride of place in two novels I’ve read so far, and in both cases it achieved the same effect – the hero was reduced to a walking oversized body part. I don’t think it’s possible to give the hero such an attribute without amusing the readers or having him defined by it in some way, especially if the story goes into detail about how his previous girlfriends weren’t able to accommodate him.
3. The orgasm smile.
Does anyone smile during an orgasm? After it, I can buy, but I’ve read more than one book where the characters smile at the climax, perhaps because it’s not pretty to have them making contorted grimaces instead. There’s even one where the heroine’s face becomes like an angel’s at the crucial moment. Maybe she looked like an angel having an orgasm.
4. The unexpected virgin.
This is where the hero discovers, much to his surprise and delight, that the tamper-proof packaging on his little aspirin bottle is intact.
5. The heroine’s skull.
The tension built up to the charged, emotional first kiss. The hero and the heroine held each other and the kiss grew passionate. Then the hero slid his hand into her hair, “on her skull”.
Suddenly the kiss was over for me, and the hero was doing the “Alas, poor Yorick” scene from Hamlet instead.