Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Five of the best from POD-dy Mouth

The blog POD-dy Mouth was started by a commercially published writer to see if there were any gems amid the reams of print-on-demand titles. She quit after about two years, but in that time she not only discovered some great books but had some very informative posts about the industry.

Oh, and hilarious discoveries of What Not To Write. Dinner first, then dessert.

1. The Making of a POD Book

This is an excellent guest post from Christopher Meeks, author of The Middle-Aged Man and the Sea, which has an intriguing title and a cover to match. Anyone wanting to self-publish a collection of short stories will benefit from reading this.

He also wrote about how he helped design a cover for his second book.

2. Cover Design

Susan Wenger, a book editor/designer at Wheatmark, discusses what writers can do to improve their cover art – especially if they’re creating it themselves.

3. More on cover art – including bloopers.

Perhaps my favorite--and quite possibly the nadir--was a book (that I cannot bear to publicize) about a satanic force that rises to rule the world. And on the cover was a huge image surely intended to be a pentagram.

It was a Star of David.

4. Opening paragraphs – and sentences – that don’t work

"Get your hands up!!!!!!!!" cried Milky Frothbean.

The rain, wet, cold, misty and murky, fell on our saturated, pruned skin, had us running the cold, hard pavement with such animated and excited fury, that we fell in laughter when we returned to the warm, dry fire.

Everyday [sic] was like Monday for Trudy Goldman, except Tuesday, which always felt like Tuesday to her. I don't know, you'd have to ask her why. But Monday, different story. She preferred Fridays over any day of the week, which was strange since it felt like Monday. To her, I mean.

Michael Swank would of [sic] saved Marshall Swank if he could of [sic].

They called her Labia.

5. Random notes to the authors of seven POD books

I'm not sure what this means: "He was everywhere and nowhere all at once; he smelled like tuna."

Uh, there is no September 31st.

The sun was blinding, her love was blinding, her hope was blinding, her will was blinding, her passion was blinding. I hope she saved some money for cataract surgery.

FYI - Julius Caesar did not invent the caesar salad.

Mickey Mack McKeldinroy. Not necessarily my top choice for a name for your protagonist--considering he's Italian.

I want to be very clear about something: Gynecological exams are never sexy. Absolutely never. Understand me: never. If only you had a cervix.


Mary Witzl said...

Those are so good, I'm going to come back to them. To be able to enjoy them fully, I suspect I'll need to be away from teaching for about two months. Because if I found any of those gems among my students' compositions, I'd be thrilled with them.

Love the idea of a heroine called Labia. How sad that it wasn't intentional!

Marian Perera said...

That keeps reminding me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry can't remember the name of the woman he's dating, just that her name rhymes with a female body part.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs this morning!

Those covers and opening paragraphs...priceless! :)

Marian Perera said...

Glad you liked them. And there's lots more where those came from - I just picked the funniest ones from her blog. :)