Thursday, October 16, 2008
Five oddities in sex scenes
This isn’t necessarily a list of things I don’t want to read again, but it’s definitely a list of things that confuse me just a bit.
1. Lack of thought about pregnancy
Probably the best example of this is The Thorn Birds, where Meggie and Father Ralph (a Catholic priest) finally consummate their love and spend some time on a tropical island. That was fine, but Ralph doesn’t ever consider precautions. I suppose that was in line with his religion but if he was going to break a vow of celibacy, he might as well have used some form of protection too.
Needless to say, the inevitable happened. But when he discovered, years later, that Meggie had a child, he never once stopped to do the math. I have no idea why it didn’t occur to him that he could be a Father in more ways than one. He wasn’t that innocent.
2. Religion at the bedroom door
Speaking of religion, I’ve read two romance novels which featured characters who went to church each Sunday… but who had premarital sex anyway. I know some (or many) people reconcile the two, but I would have liked to see the reasoning behind how they did so.
3. Flat male nipples
Or “hard male nubs”. I think this is due to a fear of men’s nipples appearing too feminine if they don’t have the “male” adjective attached like a warning flag.
4. Quick-wick sheets
That’s the only explanation for the lack of any damp patches. This is even more strange if the woman has lost her virginity and then gone blithely to sleep on the same damp, stained bed linens. I think a man who stripped the bed and put clean dry sheets on before bundling me back into it would be a keeper, but maybe that’s just me.
5. Prettification of oral sex
The woman’s genitalia smell or taste like something dainty and aesthetic, like flowers. Unless she’s douched recently, this doesn’t seem likely. I’ve even read about heroines who taste like apples and honey, which make it sound as though they’ve got a picnic basket down there.