Friday, June 19, 2009

What’s the worst thing you’ve written?


When I was thirteen or fourteen, I wrote a short scene where the hero of my story met the heroine for the first time and fell in love at first sight.

That sight, however, was like a glimpse into a kaleidoscope while on an acid trip. He looked into her eyes and saw fireworks, rainbows, butterflies, dolphins and lionesses, in that order. Each vision melted into the next and all of it was lovingly described with special attention to the colors and shapes. Looking back on it, I’m surprised he didn’t see astronomical phenomena and Jimmy Hoffa in there as well. I wish I’d saved my notebooks from that time, because they’d crack me up.

I can’t even think of any genre or type of story in which such a scene would have fitted, not even a parody, because it was so deadly serious and presented as part of the attraction he had for her. There was no salvaging that scene, in other words.

What’s the worst thing you’ve written?

16 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I can't bear to even think about it!

S.M.D. said...

I wrote over 100 pages in a fantasy novel that I now see as cringe-worthy. It's actually not as bad as I once thought, but it certainly isn't good...

isaacespriu said...

I'm not sure it was the *worst* thing i've ever written, but when i was fifteen i wrote about half a sci-fi novel. What made it embarrassing later for me was the fact i was so keen to show it to people, and it even got so far as the Head of the English department at my High School. He was all sorts of enthusiastic about it, which only fueled me more. Probably wasn't used to kids showing him a thick printout of writing.

Then i put it down and came back to it 6 months later and literally felt sick at how horrible the prose was and garbaged it--chucked printouts, deleted files, etc. I too wish i'd saved remnants of it somewhere, if only as a visual reminder why never to let myself get overconfident with my writing again :D

I do have other reminders, though :D

writtenwyrdd said...

I'm sure it's not a matter of worst, but I did post something I wrote at about twelve last year. Hilarious. And embarrassing.

Hazardgal said...

While at Adelphi, I wrote a short story for my English class. It had a heroine whose friends were overdosing left and right. She hung on in a dank tenement. I think it was called, "Angel" and I got a "D" on it. It is noteworthy because at that time, my family was super dysfunctional. So, even though the story was horrid, it was a cry in the wilderness for me. When you write from a real place, sometimes even the crappy stuff has merit.

garridon said...

I don't consider anything I wrote the worst I've written. I started writing when I was eight, and everything was written to the best of my abilities at the time.

GunnerJ said...

The first time I gave serious effort to writing a novel it was a pretty embarrassing mash-up of ideas stolen from giant robot cartoons, Japanese RPGs, and the backstory to Starcraft. It mercifully never got past about four prologues describing the colonization of some planet about 500 years before the actual plot started.

I actually want to see if I still have the early drafts, but I equally do not want to see if I have still the early drafts.

smsarber said...

Queen, I tagged you for a meme. Have fun!
http://smsarber.blogspot.com/2009/06/meme-time-better-than-mime-time.html

Kami said...

Oh the horror ... A space-faring elf who started out life being banished by her father the king (of course she *had* to be a princess!) by being flown out in the claws of a pterodactyl and dropped into a jungle, where she was found by a very handsome guy (of course) that nursed her back to health.

It seriously only got worse from there. An epic (fail) tale of crystal swords, underground prisons, blasters, space ships, intergalactic politics riddled with dragons that could teleport from place to place, and a busty elf princess with black hair (which made her father believe she was evil) and purple eyes.

Gag gag gag gag gag gag gag puke!

WV: lamye, pronounced lame, yeah

gypsyscarlett said...

Heh- all the horrid things were tossed in the trash long ago and erased from my mind.

Marian said...

You know, Kami, I rather like that idea of yours - black hair meaning that a person is evil. What if hair color (or better yet, eye color, which can't be changed) really did indicate something like that?

Marian said...

Hey Marge,

I wrote some extremely downer short stories for English class too. I think a lot of writers do that when they're young and angsty - maybe later on we realize that happy endings are often more well received by the readers. :)

Marian said...

GunnerJ, I'd love to read those early drafts. :D If just to see your take on giant robots.

GunnerJ said...

GunnerJ, I'd love to read those early drafts. :D If just to see your take on giant robots.


I actually found some of them and I don't think I will be showing any of them to anyone. I couldn't read more than a few lines without wanting to kill myself. I didn't even get to the robots, that's how lame it was.

I think a lot of writers do that when they're young and angsty


Oh, and twist the knife a bit about my early short stories, will you! ;)

Also @Kami I would totally read your book about space elves and dinosaurs if it was done in a campy, self-aware and lighthearted way.

That Chick Over There said...

I've written so many "worst" things I can't even stand thinking about it. Probably, though, my first attempt (I mean REAL attempt) at non-fiction, which I gleefully sent out to publishers and agents about a year ago. I could not figure out why I kept getting rejected and then I READ IT (really read it) and GOOD GOD. I cannot believe I thought it was good enough to be published! Horrifying.

Barbara Martin said...

Stuff that's not mentionable in a public venue.