Monday, December 22, 2008

Five similes which fail

With some books, even when I don’t remember the stories, unfortunate figures of speech in them stand out. A few of those are paraphrased or quoted here, and the first is from a Lord of the Rings fanfic.

1. Sauron’s fury had been building up inside him, like bread rising in an oven.

The second is from a romance where the hero and heroine kiss for the first time.

2. The corner of her mouth was as soft and tender as a child’s.

Ew. Another first kiss.

3. Their tongues touched like small creatures meeting for the first time.

That made me think of two naked mole rats stopping to rub whiskers in a tunnel underground. On to the later stages of lovemaking.

4.The folds of her sex blossomed like a wet lily. --> Link

A figure of speech this specific will make most readers imagine it too well, leading to a mental image of the heroine with a horticultural addition to her anatomy. Finally, for the fantasy fans…

5. The white mist rushed towards her like steam blown from the cheeks of an ice monster. --> Link

I have no idea why an ice monster would blow steam. Wouldn’t that cause the monster to melt?


writtenwyrdd said...

hah! These are great examples of similes that lead balloons, as it were.

JH said...

I imagine the Dark Lord in an apron and a little baker's cap.

colbymarshall said...

Soft and tender as a child's...

Um...I don't know what to say about this except a big what were you thinking?

Luc2 said...

I have no idea why an ice monster would blow steam.
If it wouldn't blow steam it would surely melt, so that the steam is vented somehow is probably a good idea, but why through the cheeks.

I would laugh if I wouldn't suspect to find some horrible similes in my own writing.

Barbara Martin said...

An ice monster that blows steam might actually be a dragon in disguise. Otherwise great examples of similes.