Monday, December 22, 2008

Five similes which fail


With some books, even when I don’t remember the stories, unfortunate figures of speech in them stand out. A few of those are paraphrased or quoted here, and the first is from a Lord of the Rings fanfic.

1. Sauron’s fury had been building up inside him, like bread rising in an oven.

The second is from a romance where the hero and heroine kiss for the first time.

2. The corner of her mouth was as soft and tender as a child’s.

Ew. Another first kiss.

3. Their tongues touched like small creatures meeting for the first time.

That made me think of two naked mole rats stopping to rub whiskers in a tunnel underground. On to the later stages of lovemaking.

4.The folds of her sex blossomed like a wet lily. --> Link

A figure of speech this specific will make most readers imagine it too well, leading to a mental image of the heroine with a horticultural addition to her anatomy. Finally, for the fantasy fans…

5. The white mist rushed towards her like steam blown from the cheeks of an ice monster. --> Link

I have no idea why an ice monster would blow steam. Wouldn’t that cause the monster to melt?

5 comments:

writtenwyrdd said...

hah! These are great examples of similes that flop...like lead balloons, as it were.

GunnerJ said...

I imagine the Dark Lord in an apron and a little baker's cap.

colbymarshall said...

Soft and tender as a child's...

Um...I don't know what to say about this except a big what were you thinking?

Luc2 said...

I have no idea why an ice monster would blow steam.
If it wouldn't blow steam it would surely melt, so that the steam is vented somehow is probably a good idea, but why through the cheeks.

I would laugh if I wouldn't suspect to find some horrible similes in my own writing.

Barbara Martin said...

An ice monster that blows steam might actually be a dragon in disguise. Otherwise great examples of similes.